Personal Blog

SOO, I have to blog. Mhm, well I’ll just do a life update, because I have nothing else going on in my life. Hmm, okay well. I am still furious at my ex-boyfriend because he’s a tool. Possibly the biggest one in the tool shed. I loved him for over a year, and I put everything into it but he just threw it back in my face. And on top of that, he still won’t man up to anything. Seriously, no one will ever put even a percentage into him as I did. This is why I really enjoy my new boyfriend. He is a total sweetheart and he was there for me. Unlike all my “friends” from high school, he actually understands what college means. I mean academically, I will devote myself to school because it’s the only thing I have as an upper hand, but on the social aspect he wants to be involved because he wasn’t. The ex, hmm well call him Joe, was like if you’re not with me, you better be at home. He was that scared I would be abducted by aliens and he couldn’t save me. I was like honestly; but it’s what I get for dating someone a year younger than me and with the mental capacity of a rat. My bad there, but seriously, when he finds a new girlfriend she’ll have the balls to stand up to him and not let him push her into her “place”. HAHA, he’ll see I wasn’t crazy. The new boyfriend, his nickname can be Sam, doesn’t care who I talk to, what I do, or when we hang out because he trusts me. Not even a month into and he has more faith, trust, and a belief in me then Joe ever did or will. Joe wouldn’t and couldn’t understand my life either. He’s a sheltered little naïve boy, and he wouldn’t break out of his perfect, religious life and look at the real world. When he graduates from the private high school we went to, he’ll be shocked and probably curl up in his closet. I’m looking forward to it, to be honest. Sam went to a public school, and while I’m not judging how they view life by the environment their grew up in, it’s reasonable to say that if you live in a cardboard box your whole life then of course all you will ever know is brown, drab, soggy walls. Sam has faith in me and in what I want to do; unlike Joe who couldn’t look past his dumb mental “sanity”, ha! Yeah about that; Joe led such a double standard, hypocritical life that I couldn’t take it. He was always right, and I was always the dumb girlfriend. Seriously? That’s not how you talk to the “love of your life”, even at seventeen. Sam will take me whenever I need him, no matter the circumstances or what I did wrong. And I have the same respect to do the same. We just mesh. Joe wouldn’t let me be who I was or who I wanted to be; well not unless it was this perfect, religious, pure Barbie doll who didn’t argue, didn’t do anything wrong, and didn’t try and push back against his life. This is still my life, and I’m sure I will do whatever I want and have the friends that I choose, not my boyfriend. Sam accepts my friends and my family as well; Joe just put them down saying how dumb they were and how I shouldn’t hang out with them, and not even for good reasons. He had the nerve to say that my single dad raised me and my younger sister wrong, and how my mother, who has a few mental and health disorders, and my older sisters weren’t worth it. He said that if I wasn’t with him, I would turn into them. Umm, try again JOE :] Sam actually likes my friends and my family, he knows why I love them and why they love me. I can actually be myself around him and I am happy that I broke up with Joe and that I found Sam. Being with Joe for over a year was slow, painful, damaging and heartbreaking suicide. He was not worth my time, energy, money, health, and countless car rides. Sam, I hope will be. I think I just got closure with Joe. Who knew some blog would let me just completely end it mentally. I am ready to start again, and to live again. Without some controlling, selfish, conceited, airhead asshole. I am done with all this overrated, high school drama crap and I need to let it go.

*deep breath*

I am over it.

I am done with it. I am done with bullshit. I am ready to follow my heart, not some guy. I am ready to learn how to live and love again.

I’m sorry if this blog made absolutely no sense, and if I just rambled around the whole way, I just wrote down what I thought and what came to me. After all, if this is a blog it is what I feel, and I’m not scared to feel and speak my mind again. If you read it all, thanks. Just knowing someone else peered into my head for a few moments means something, if anything.

October 22, 2008 11:25 p.m. 897.